This is it!!

Heyyy!!

Quote for the day: "One equal temper of heroic hearts made weak by time and fate, but strong in will, to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield" - Alfred Tennyson.

Soo after a serious conversation last night with a lovely girly i've finally seen sense!
Today has been filled with alot of positivity. I woke up to an empty house and walked to the kitchen for breakfast only to find some of those really cool pancakes on the side with a bottle of maple syrup and a postit note saying eat me... this really made my day, little things like that make me smile, anyways i ate my pancakes after drowning them in maple syrup, had a cappachino and sat in the garden for a while to smoke my first cigarrette of the day.

I felt guilty after the pancakes but  I wont give up, not this time! So i had to find something to distract myself, something to stop the guilt and make me realise its okay, soo i sat in the front room for a while watched some tv, then went for a shower. Instead of punishing myself i treated myself, I used the best coconut moisturiser EVER, I done a face mask, i painted finger nails and toe nails. Dressed in Jeans and a nice top (makes a change from seeing myself in a tracksuit) then i sat down to do my hair and make up, time passed quickly and before i knew it mum was home and it was time for lunch.

I gave mum full control, told her to make me anything she wanted, within reason of course, i wasn't going to give her the opportunity to make me bacon or anything with meat in because thats something i wont let go of, people think i turned towards vegetarianism in order to lose weight when it was because of completely different reasons. But thats a different story.. Anyways she made me crackers, some cheese twist things, pastry with cheese (really nice) a pack of hula-hoops, and she even brought me some pomegranite seeds (the only fruit i really like). I got there, i ate it all, except some of the pmegranite seeds they come in a massive tub and you get bored of them after soo many. So the rest will be used as a snack for tomorrow.

The positivity still remained, i phoned some friends, phoned Bobby. sorted out transport to get to bingo and home again, and spent the rest of my time on facebook. I also wrote a poem after talking to my cousin looking at photos of her little boy who died age 5 due to many different complications.. R. I. P. Billy <3

Thursday night  is bingo night, usually I would tell my mum i plan to eat at bingo with the others but today she made me a Cheese baguette before i left, not a propper dinner but it was something just incase i didn't eat when i got to bingo. Well when i got there i ordered a portion of chips and then got bobby to tell my mum what i was eating just so she knew i was having something else for dinner.   I was feeling tonight would be a lucky night, thought we might have a chance of winning, but we didnt, its okay though because we still had a good night.

Myself and Bobby were dropped of at mine but i felt the need for some me time so told him he couldnt come in because i wanted to go to bed. Just as he was leaving there was a loud crash. It turns out the old man next door was putting one of his bins out and took a fall. Soo I rushed next door and with Bobby's help we managed to get the man inside  to his front room and check that he was okay, I made him a cup of tea and then we left. (this is why i would be good working with the elderly)

After that I said bye to Bobby and told my parents of todays events.
Oh I've broken the bet, I had crisps today, I'm also having a few shots of vodka. A Whole month i dont think i could have coped 3days was long enough !!

I've been really tired these past few days, last night i was dozing in and out of consiousness and fell asleep at the early time of 1am instead of the usual 4am.
Its been really cold here lately, I've gone frome 1 duvet to 3duvets. The parents think im insane apparently it isn't that cold. But i disagree.
Im off too bed now, but no doubt i'll wake up in them orning to find dinkey snuggled up on the pillow amongst the covers with me.

Nightt <3 x x x